To Remember and Love
by oncerSM
Summary: Set from 3x21 and on. With Savitar no longer a problem, and no way to return Barry's memories Team Flash decides it best to leave Barry like he is, which might not be so bad. No longer weighed down by his past Barry is ready to live out his life with Iris, even if he can't remember her. But soon problems arise and Barry's amnesia is anything but the blessing Iris had hoped it'd be.
1. Chapter 1

**So I've had this idea for a while but I just now decided to actually write it. A few things to explain:**

 **-Wally never lost his powers**

 **-Caitlin is part of the team again after Julian's cure works. And she's in control of her powers (like in season 4)**

 **-Savitar is no longer in the picture (it'll be mentioned why in future chapters)**

 **Anyways that's about it, so enjoy and please tell me what you think and if I should continue.**

"Tell me something" Barry asked as he held Iris's hand. After spending many hours going through their wedding plans, the two had decided to call it as night and they now lay facing each on their shared bed in the darkened room.

"About?" Iris asked, a small smile on her face.

"About us. A story?" Barry asked. Even without his memories, he knew he loved Iris. The warm feeling he got when he looked into her eyes made him sure they were meant to be. So Barry wanted to know everything about how they fell in love,and how they grew up together.

"Ok" Iris said. She loved seeing Barry like this, happy and free of all the baggage that came from his past which he no longer remembered. If anything she thought that his memory loss was a blessing of sorts. They had tried to restore his memory with a device built by Cisco and Julian but to no success, so the Team agreed to leave Barry the way he was, with no memories. "Have I told you about how we went to our Freshman dance together?" Iris asked.

Barry shook his head. "I thought you said we only started dating last year?"

"Do you want me to tell the story or not?" Iris asked playfully.

"Sorry, go on" Barry replied with a laugh.

"Ok so like I said, we were freshman, first year in high school" Iris began, and she could see that Barry was giving her his full attention, listening to her every word. "And I had this crush on a Junior, Sam Abernathy. He was hot" she explained seeing the look on Barry's face. "Anyways so the dance was coming up and I really wanted to go with him. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, he looked a bit like Eddie now that I think about it" Iris told Barry.

"Whose Eddie?" Barry asked.

"He's... he was a friend Bar, a good friend. He died" Iris said, knowing she would have to tell him about Eddie at some point but right now she was going slowly, telling him one thing at a time like Caitlin said.

"So like I said, fourteen year old me really wanted to go with Sam so one day I got up the courage to ask him to the dance. You convinced me to do it, Bar" Iris added.

"And he said no?" Barry guessed.

"Actually he said yes, told me he'd pick me up before the dance" Iris said. "So after that you can imagine how excited I was. The night of the dance came and I was all ready, waiting in our house" Iris continued.

"What were you wearing?" Barry asked, closing his eyes. "I'm trying to imagine what you looked like".

"I had gotten this gorgeous gold dress, went just below my knees and had short sleeves. Oh and it had sparkles" Iris added.

"Sparkles?" Barry asked smiling, opening his eyes once more.

"Like I said I was fourteen!" Iris said. "Anyways, moving on. Sam had told me he'd pick me up at 7. But the time came and past. We waited another hour before Dad said he didn't think Sam was coming" Iris said.

"Jerk" Barry said.

"Exactly. Well at this point I started crying and I was about to go upstairs and just go to bed, when you came down. You had told me earlier that dances weren't really your thing and you weren't going to go, but after Sam ditched me you had gone and put on a tux, for me" Iris said.

"And what did I look like?" Barry asked.

"Adorable" Iris replied instantly.

"You sure I didn't look...handsome?" Barry tried. "Dashing?"

"Nope, you were definitely adorable with that baby face of yours" Iris laughed. "Seriously when you went for your college interview, the professor thought you were fifteen!" Iris.

"Ok, I get your point. Continue?" Barry asked.

"Well the story ends with us going together to the dance, Dad took pictures and everything before we left. And we actually had a pretty amazing time. Oh and Sam ended up hooking up with a senior so there's that" Iris said.

"Did he apologize?" Barry asked.

"The next day yeah, he did. But I didn't really care about what he did anymore, because I had an incredible night" Iris said as she reached out on the bed and pulled the comforter over them.

"Thanks for that" Barry said as he moved closer to her. He had been asking small details from her and the rest of Team Flash since he woke up in Star Labs with no memory two weeks ago, but this was the first real story. Something he could try to picture in his head, and maybe even see himself in the moment if he tried hard enough.

"Anytime Bar" Iris said as she laid her head down on his chest.

"I love you Iris" Barry said, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. The gesture felt familiar to him, like he'd done it many times before that he couldn't remember.

"Love you too, Barry" she replied as she clicked off the lamp.


	2. Chapter 2

**So I think this might just be one of the longest chapters I've written for a fanfic but I'm kinda proud. Anyways the first chapter of this story was basically just a nice intro of the newly amnesiac Barry and Iris with basically just what Iris wanted, for Barry to be happy and together with her. But as you will soon see in the story things aren't as simple. So enjoy,read and please leave reviews!**

"Ready Barry?" Wally asked, a smile on his face as he held the stop watch in his hand. Barry nodded, staring at the track in front of him. He was to make ten full runs around the speed lab to test his timing. Wally clicked the start button just as Barry was off in a flash of orange lighting and a gust of wind that nearly knocked both Wally and Iris off their feet. Less than a second later the speedster had returned, out of breath but smiling as well.

"How was that?" Barry asked, standing next to Iris and putting an arm on her shoulders.

"Incredible man!" Wally answered proudly holding up a hand as he gave Barry a high five. "That was your best time yet. But now I was thinking we try something new" Wally began. It had been almost three weeks since Barry had his memory wiped and Savitar was no longer a problem. Cisco and Julian had attempted to build a device to restore Barry's memories, with no success and they all agreed not to try again because Caitlin didn't want to risk it. Wally had been training Barry of how to use his speed, since everything he had learnt in the past three years had gone.

"Cool" Barry replied, slightly out of breath. "I'm up for anything".

"So am I, as long as it doesn't involve running, because there's no way I'm racing in heels" A female voice said. The three turned around to see Felicity Smoak walking through the speed lab door with balloons in hands. Both Wally and Iris smiled, but Barry stared wide eyed at the unfamiliar female for a second before copying the wide grins of his friends, deciding it was best to play along like he did when meeting any one he didn't know. Luckily Felicity didn't notice the original confusion of her friend and went up to him first wrapping her arms around him in an extreme tight hug. Barry returned the embrace while giving Iris a questioning glance from behind. "Hey Barry!" Felicity said as she pulled apart from him. "Oh and if you're wondering how I got in here, it's because this whole place has absolutely no security system or locks or anything, at all" Felicity said.

"Yeah...Iris we should work on that" Barry said looking back at his fiancé.

Felicity stared at the two of them. "Is everything all right? Are you guys in the middle of fighting another evil speedster? Or is it Aliens, please don't let it be aliens again" Felicity said nervously. Barry laughed at the mention of aliens, expecting it to be a joke and for everyone else to do the same but they didn't. "Sorry" he muttered.

"No, Felicity everything is great" Iris said, taking Barry's hand. "We're just going a bit nuts with all the wedding plans". Felicity breathed a sign of relief.

"Ok, that's good. I mean planning your wedding is good, fighting aliens is not. Anyways, Iris these are for you" Felicity said, handing Iris the many balloons.

"Oh are you guys having a bachelorette party or something?" Barry asked.

"Well first me and Caitlin have to help Iris pick out her perfect wedding dress, then hopefully if we're not completely wiped out by tonight then we'll get some drinks and dinner" Felicity said. "Barry I thought I told you all this like a month ago" she said.

"Oh, I must've...forgot" Barry said with a small smile. Felicity shrugged.

"Felicity why don't you go upstairs, we're just finishing up and I'll meet you there?" Iris asked and the blonde went. The moment they could no longer hear the steps of her high heels Barry turned to Iris.

"Ok who was she?" He asked.

"That was Felicity, Bar. Are you sure she doesn't look familiar?" Iris asked hopefully though she knew the answer. And Barry tried hard to remember seeing her face, but nothing came up.

"No. But it seemed like we're all pretty close?" Barry guessed from the way she had just walked in and hugged him like that.

"Yeah we've known her for a few years now, Bar. You met her before you got struck by lighting" Iris said.

Barry put his hand to his forehead, now getting frustrated.

"Hey Bar, it's okay" Iris said.

"I know, it's just weird. Meeting people who know me but I don't know them" Barry replied and that had happened a few times so far, baristas at the cafe Jitters, neighbors in his apartment building, he gave them all the same fake smile and wave.

"Maybe we should tell her?" Wally, suggested.

"No. It's fine. I can handle this" Barry said and he began to walk away.

They made their way to the cortex where Felicity was waiting with the rest of the team. Barry walked slowly, hand in hand with Iris as they went through the entrance. Felicity turned when they came in.

"Oh Barry, Iris! I never got to ask you guys, how'd it happen?" She asked excitedly.

"How'd what happen?" Barry asked, trying to avoid the gaze of Julian, Cisco and Caitlin who were standing near the excitement blonde. They were watching him, waiting to see how'd he react.

"The proposal" Felicity said as if it was completely obvious. "So what did you do?" She asked. Barry stared blankly. He didn't know. He had meant to ask Iris about it, but he never did.

"I-" Barry stuttered.

"He sang to me, wrote a song and everything" Iris filled in. Barry looked to her, grateful.

"Barry Allen" Felicity said. "Since when can you sing?"

"Oh he's a great singer" Caitlin added. "We did karaoke together"

"How did I not know about this?" Felicity asked excitedly, completely oblivious to the tenseness in the room.

"I'll have to show you sometimes" Barry offered.

"Definitely" Iris replied, Caitlin gave her a look. "But shouldn't we be going" She asked Felicity who immediately checked the time.

"Yeah, we should go, the bridal store closes at five, and Iris needs enough time to say yes to the dress". she said.

"I guess we'll see you guys later" Iris said, then she kissed Barry on the cheek. And then they were gone.

"That was-" Cisco said as soon as the three girls had left.

"Not bad" Julian said, choosing his words carefully for Barry's sake. "How are you doing mate?" He asked Barry.

"I'm okay, I guess" Barry said, though he wondered if he really was. He had been trying to make the best out of everything, but meeting someone that was meant to be an old friend had thrown him off.

"Well, at least the training went well" Wally said. "You're almost back up to speed"

"That's great, man" Cisco said.

Barry nodded. "I think I'm actually gonna head back to the loft now. I need to finish some papers for work" Barry said. While his memories of his life were gone, his intelligence remained. One glance at any of his old forensic notes and he realized he knew it all.

A few hours later Barry decided to head back to Star Labs, maybe to get a little more training in, or maybe because he needed someone to talk to. Being alone with a blank mind wasn't exactly fun.

He walked into the cortex to find Cisco and Julian sitting by the computers with Julian typing something rapidly on the keyboard and Cisco playing with something in his hands.

"Are Iris, Caitlin and-" Barry paused, forgetting the name of the girl that was here earlier. "Are they back yet?" Barry asked. The two looked up. "Not yet mate" Julian said.

"How're you doing Barry?" Cisco asked the same question from before. Barry tried not to notice but that question did come up a lot.

Barry put on a smile "I'm good". Cisco raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Yeah, hey where's Wally?" Barry asked.

"He's probably at a class right now" Cisco answered, coming in from the med bay. "He's still in college" she explained. Barry nodded, more new information.

Just then three female voices could be heard waking down the hallway and coming towards the cortex.

Iris walked in first, followed by Felicity.

"Hey did you find a dress?" Barry asked as he walked up to kiss his fiancé.

"She did" Felicity answered happily.

"Iris is going to be a gorgeous bride" Caitlin said happily.

"That's great" Barry said as he stared at Felicity, trying to find something familiar in her face. Something that reminded him that they were actually good friends. But just like always, nothing clicked, not even the slightest point of recognition. Apparently though Felicity noticed his staring.

"Ok what is going on with you?" Felicity asked with her hands now folded, and a crease in her eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?" He asked unconvincingly. The room had just gone silent, with the other four occupants staring at Barry and Felicity.

"See this is what I'm saying" Felicity said as she looked around the cortex. "You've all been acting weird since I got here, especially you Barry" she said pointing to the speedster.

"It's nothing" Iris said.

"Is it?" Felicity asked. "Did someone die or something? Is there really a new super villain you're fighting against, because if there is, then I can help you. In case you guys have forgotten this is what I do on a daily bases" Felicity said.

"No one died" Barry said.

"So new villain then?" Felicity asked.

"No" Barry replied.

"Then why are you acting so weird?" She asked once more.

"Because I don't know you!" Barry suddenly yelled out in frustration. The silence that followed was now deafening, you could've easily heard a pin drop.

Felicity stared at him. Whatever answer she was expecting this definitely was not it.

"What are you taking about?" She almost laughed. "Of course you know me".

"No he doesn't" Cisco said and Felicity looked towards him "And it's our fault". And so he explained what happened, from Savitar being a version of Barry from the future and him wanting to kill Iris. "We meant to take away his short term memory, and instead...we took away all of it" Cisco said, looking sadly at Barry.

"So when I walked in this morning, and you looked at me like I was a stranger,-" Felicity asked Barry, her eyes quickly filling with tears.

"I had no idea who you were" Barry said, wishing badly he could remember. She did seem like a nice person, someone he'd want to be friends with. But also someone he didn't know.

"So all of its just gone?" Felicity asked, tears threatening to spill. "Do you remember Laurel Lance? John?" She asked, though the names sounded unfamiliar to him.

"No" Barry said painfully.

"Do you remember Oliver? Oh God please tell me you remember Oliver" she begged wanting desperately for him to answer, to laugh and say this was a joke, but he didn't. Then Felicity tried one more time. "Barry, what's my last name?" But when Barry shook his head, Felicity couldn't hold it back anymore, and tears fell down her face. Felicity felt worse than she did when she had thought Oliver had been brainwashed by Raz Al Ghul, because Barry of course was not just pretending.

"I'm sorry" Barry told her. And he really was.

"I need a minute" Felicity said as she wiped the falling tears from her eyes and then turned and walked out of the doorway. Barry stared at his friends, not knowing what to do. He felt it was his own fault that was causing Felicity this pain, and he really did wish he could make it better.

"Its not you fault Bar," Iris said as though reading Barry's mind. "I'll go talk to her" she then said and Barry didn't know what else to do but nod.

"Felicity" Iris said as she walked towards the blonde now standing by the elevator. "Are you ok?" She asked although truthfully she knew that was a dumb question.

"No, no not really" Felicity answered honestly, as her attempt to stop the fall of her tears was failing. "The question is how you could be. He doesn't remembered anything, nothing what you two mean to each other and two are still getting married?" Felicity asked.

"Barry still loves me, and I love him" Iris said, her answer automatic.

"But he doesn't know where that love is coming from. Have you guys even tried getting his memories back?" Felicity asked.

"We did, once. But the device didn't work" Iris said honestly. It was a machine meant to reshock his brain yet it the electric pulse that was delivered did nothing.

"And you didn't try again?" Felicity asked but one look at Iris's face and she knew the response she'd get. "You didn't want to try again, did you?"

"He's happy" Iris said simply. "For once in his life he's happy" and she thought back to when he was eleven years old and first coming to live with her and her dad. The nightmares that'd keep him up for weeks at a time, the therapy he had to go through, the meds he'd refuse to take even if they would help him sleep. And then there was the bullying. Not just the kids in school but adults on the street who recognized him from the papers. He became obsessed with solving his mom's murder and getting his dad out of jail. Them Barry finally succeeded and Henry died too. Iris never forgot about the months that followed of how Barry distanced himself from them. All that led up to Barry being loaded with all this baggage that he felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And when he got his memories taken away, that burden was lifted.

"Because he doesn't know about any of his past" Felicity said. "But you guys didn't just take away the bad memories, all the good ones are gone too. "And I'm guessing you're not planning on telling him?"

"Not yet" Iris said. "Were going slow, Caitlin said not to overload him on information"

"And you couldn't have told me that before I showed up?" Felicity asked, her hands dropping to her sides.

"Look I'm sorry, we thought maybe seeing you would help him" Iris said because while Barry was happier, he still seemed a bit lost.

"I think I may have just confused him more" Felicity said.

"He just didn't know who you were, you should talk to him" Iris suggested. That's what they had been doing with Barry. Explaining things in his life, answering any questions he had but carefully, carefully. Felicity looked at her for a few seconds before giving a small nod.

"Ok" she said.

"So you also work with a superhero?" Barry asked Felicity after they decided to sit down and have a normal conversation.

"More like vigilante. He's called the Green Arrow" Felicity said. "He shoots people. With arrows" she added, stating the obvious.

"Really?" Barry asked sarcastically. "And I can only imagine what color he wears while fighting crime" and this time Felicity actually laughed.

"You haven't lost your sense of humor" Felicity said.

"Why would I?" A soft smile played on his face, his eyes open with the same look of curiosity they'd had since he had his memory wiped.

"I don't know" Felicity said. "Honestly I didn't know how different you'd be, but you're still the same Barry".

"Well, that's good to know. But another question, how many superheroes are we actually friends with?" Barry asked. At this Cisco walked in and answered.

"A lot" he answered. "There's Team Flash, that's us" Cisco said though that much Barry knew.

"Team Arrow" Felicity said. "Though our exact number of members is ever changing, due to dumb fights and whatnot. Oliver's fault, not mine".

"Team Legends" Cisco said. "Again ever changing, but a ton of really cool people with some kick ass outfits made by yours truly".

"You sew?" Barry asked

"It's a hobby " Cisco shrugged.

"Anyways, I've had an idea. We're gonna make flash cards, no pun intended".

"Flash cards?" Barry asked.

"To help you study and remember everyone's name and face should we ever have to team up again to save the world" Cisco said.

"And I'm guessing it's happened more than once?" Barry asked. "You mentioned Aliens?" He said to Felicity.

She nodded, "Yeah that happened. But that's what we do, save the world" Felicity said.

"Like a few times, give or take" Cisco said. "So about my idea, it might help?"

"That doesn't actually seem like a bad plan, seeing as we seem to have a lot of friends" Barry said.

"Oh don't forget Team Supergirl, though we've only met Kara, who literally looks like my twin" Felicity said and Barry's head was already hurting from this load of new info. This was why Caitlin had told him to take it slow.

"Great" Barry said. "So flash cards?" The idea did seem a bit childish, but anything to stop his head from spinning.

"Leave that to me, Bar" Cisco said, before quickly exiting the room. Felicity turned back to face Barry.

"What was it like Barry?" She asked. "Suddenly waking up not knowing anything?"

"Well, to me it wasn't really like waking up. It was just one second I was...just there" He tried to explain, remembering back the farthest he could which was only a few weeks ago. "I didn't know what I had been doing before or how I got there but the first thing I knew what was that I was holding Iris's hand" Barry explained.

"You must have been terrified" Felicity said.

"Honestly I thought they all had kidnapped me" Barry laughed, "But then Iris showed me her ring and a picture of us. And I don't know, but I felt like the two of us had a connection" and they did, he knew it now. Iris had began to tell him stories of them growing up, going to school together, with her words he could basically picture himself there.

"Are you dating anyone?" Barry asked.

Felicity gave a sort of smile as she thought of the correct answer to say. "Yeah actually. Me and Oliver, we decided we're better as a pair. Plus we are kinda raising a kid together" Felicity said. Barry raised his eyebrows. "Oliver's kid, not mine. Well sort of mine now, not really. It's complicated, but his name is William and he's twelve. Super in to the Flash by the way" Felicity added with a nudge to Barry's arm.

"That's great" Barry said. "I'd love to-" but at that moment his words were cut off by a very loud alarm ringing through the building of Star Labs as well as Barry's phone.

"Metahuman attack! Barry, Felicity, cortex now" yelled Cisco's voice over the alarm.

"Duty calls I guess" Barry said, and they went.

It was night outside when Barry made his way back to the loft after the run in with the meta. He was getting better at fighting these guys, letting his instinct take over. Barry knew he had it in him from before, he just had to try harder. Now as he clicked the key in the lock of his front door it was the darkness that greeted him. Iris, Caitlin, and Felicity were out for their dinner and Barry had decided, despite his tired legs, to go for a run. He just had to find new sneakers as his ones he had used today were basically burned to bits from his practice earlier. He knew he must have another pair somewhere here, Barry just needed to find them.

As he climbed up the stairs, he tried to not let his bad decision of forgetting to turn on the lights make him fall. Luckily he was able to make his way to the bedroom in one piece.

Barry clicked on the small lamp in the bedside table giving him a small hint of light before beginning his search through him and Iris's large closet. He had no idea where to start as just like everything else is his life, all the clothes and personal items looked unfamiliar. Barry then moved things around thinking maybe he should just give up when he spotted something. It was on the very highest shelf in the closet and for a second Barry did think it was a shoebox, except when he finally was able to reach up and grasp it with both hands he realized though cardboard, it was much too large.

Barry pulled down the box and carefully walked over the bed, placing it on the sheets. It was probably years old from the looks of it. Torn bits at the end and the feeling that it had been handled multiple times and somehow it felt familiar in Barry's hands. Then he saw the faded letters written in black ink on the side of the box.

"Nora Allen " Barry muttered to himself. But that wasn't it, underneath the faded name there was another one that looked newer than the previous. This one with letters in different handwriting which Barry recognized as his own, "Henry Allen" he read before proceeding to remove the lid with shaking hands, not knowing what it was he was about to find.


End file.
